Vanessa Lacheywants to make one thing clear: Parenthood is far from perfect, but that’s what makes it a “beautiful mess.”
As a mother of three toPhoenix Robert, 2,Brooklyn Elisabeth, 4, andCamden John, 6½, Vanessa knows that raising her children with husbandNick Lacheydoesn’t always go according to plan.
The couple, who rarely have time to themselves, typically spend their dayscarpooling their kids to schooland activities, helping with homework, making meals and getting ready for bedtime. On top of that, the pair also balance their own jobs — Nick, as a touring member of98 Degrees, and Vanessa, as a current host on Top Chef Junior.
Things may get chaotic and busy, and can sometimes lead to inevitable parenting failures, but Vanessa knows it all comes with the territory — something she’s perfectly accepting of.
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“We all have fails daily and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent,” the 38-year-old star, who recently partnered withWaterWipesin conjunction with the release of the documentaryThis Is Parenthood, tells PEOPLE.
“We all are constantly struggling daily, but that’s also the beautiful side of parenthood,” she continues.
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“I have tons of fails,” Vanessa adds. “Probably daily fails that range from something as simple as missing the bus to school because I couldn’t get [the kids] together at the door, to forgetting something that they were supposed tobring for their project at school, to snapping at a knee-jerk reaction and saying something you regret … they range.”
For Vanessa, the new 16-minute global documentary, which highlights the realities of parenthood, particularly struck a chord with her due to the fact that it accurately showcases the difficult aspects of raising children, which isn’t always portrayed in the media.
“It’s a global issue, no matter what culture we’re in, no matter what economic background we have. We are all struggling with the same feeling of inadequacy as a parent,” Vanessa explains, adding, “Failure is life, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.”
Part of the reason that Vanessa says she and other moms tend to find it difficult to embrace their failures is because of theunattainable “perfect parent” image that social mediacan often create, as well as the natural tendency of comparing oneself to others.
“We’re all human and we’re gonna constantly compare ourselves,” she tells PEOPLE. “We need to stop beating ourselves up as parents. … It’s the norm to not be so picture-perfect.”
Vanessa and Nick Lachey with their three kids.Vanessa Lachey/Instagram
There was even one recent instance where Vanessa admits she questioned her own Instagram post of her children wearing matching outfits for fear that she would encourage this unrealistic standard.
Adds Vanessa, “We’re all guilty of [only showing theideal side of parenting on social media] because our kids all do cute things and we all want to share it with the world, but there’s also another side that people are afraid to talk about because it’s making yourself vulnerable to criticism.”
RELATED VIDEO: Vanessa Lachey Reveals Motherhood Was Difficult for Her at First
Despite being fearful of negative feedback on social media, that hasn’t stopped Vanessa from speaking candidly about her experience as a mother, including herson’s battle with Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV),which left him hospitalized shortly after his birth.
Vanessa adds, “I hope I can be a sounding board for people … to become aware and encourage them to educate themselves.”
Now with the experience of being a mom to three little ones under her belt, Vanessa says her perspective on parenthood has evolved over the years.
“I thought I had figured out,” she explainsof her first pregnancy with Camden, noting how everything was perfectly organized and ready for his arrival. “Then comes this little person, who, every pitch they throw is not a fastball down the middle — it is a curveball.”
Instead of having expectations, schedules and plans, Vanessa reveals motherhood for her is now about “embracing the fails, the unknowns, the spontaneous moments, and embracing the now.”
“If we actually stopped and realized that we’re not all failing, we’re reallytrying to just be good parentsand good people,” she tells PEOPLE. “It’s just changing the way we think. … We’re not gonna change the hardships in life and the failures — that’ll still all be there — but we’re not gonna see them as that.”
source: people.com
