An unfortunate electronics - found butt explosion . A confused lad with dirty vinyl . A relationship doomed by a ringtone . This week ’s head tortured us for minutes , but we recovered . And we came up with result .
First in our inbox : a foreign student in pauperism .
I am a messy student living in Belgium , and I love listening to LPs on my temperate / shitty audio system : It ’s comprised of a 10 - yr - old , 80 - W amp , a $ 40 preamp , and a 30 - class - erstwhile Panasonic lazy Susan I inherited . Some weeks ago a given Grooteclaes fall off my wall and onto the turntable while it was trifle a valuable L-P . Glass was everywhere , but the phonograph record look all right . I cleaned up , and tried to make for the platter again , but the phonograph needle kept recoil off the disc . I spray some compressed air on it , but nothing changed . Here ’s my question : Since there might be some meth particles inside the channel , would it not be grave to wipe it down ?
Grooteclaesed in Geraardsbergen
Grooteclaesed —
At first we thought a Grooteclaes was a mythical creature , but then we actually looked it up . version for the rest of you : artwork . Hubert Grooteclaes was a Belgian lensman of some respect . So we ’re guessing that our Belgian buddy had a framed exposure fall on his disc player .
Dude , you must have been CRANKING thatTC Matic .
Anyway , the interrogation at mitt is whether the student in question should pass over his book down . Uhm … who cares . First off , Groot , you ’re good that wiping down the record could damage it further . If you really wanted to clean it , we ’d suggest run it under weewee to gargle the glass out . After that , some enthusiasts recommend attaching it to a practice moment and spinning it teetotal . badly !
But dude , it ’s a record , and you exist in Europe . You haveSpotify ! Let go of the past and wise up : You have a golden opportunity here . Literally .
https://gizmodo.com/why-its-worth-getting-excited-for-spotifys-us-launch-5502815
Now that you ’re lacking some wall candy , nebulizer - paint your record atomic number 79 , hang it on the bulwark , and pretend you ’re a successful phonograph record producer . foot up a set of shutter shades and a couple pelt pillows , and you ’ll be KILLIN ’ it with the Flemish peeress . Of course , you ’ll plausibly require to upgrade that hand - me - down stack to nail the magic . While you ’re at it , get a shark armoured combat vehicle .
speak of ass , our next letter is … uh … well … Just learn .
A few years ago , my cellphone battery exploded while it was in my pouch , seriously burning my backside . I ’m OK , but I do have a cicatrice on my correct buttcheek . I want to get a tattoo to cover it up — what should I get inked on my ass ?
Please help ,
Assblasted
Assblasted —
First off , we go for that you sued the pants off of whatever company ’s phone blew up your buttocks . ( * cough * * cough * LG * cough * ) And , with that in creative thinker — and your causa moolah in paw — don’t you call back that a sleaze is thinking a little modest ? Go for something cooler . Have a bottle opener plant in your impudence , or maybe a slot for an RFID credit wit so you could just butt - encounter the registry to pay for the whisky you need every dark to ward off the demon dream of exploding telecommunications .
https://gizmodo.com/man-killed-by-cellphone-explosion-327338
But OK , it ’s been a couple years . If you ’ve already expend your settlement cash on narcotics and therapy , you could turn to ink . To address the psycological issues , you should have something permanently etch on your ass that could never explode and cause you harm : So mothers and love interestingness are out . And a mahimahi would just make you look like a stripper . There ’s only one choice , really : the Zune logotype . No Zune has ever exploded — probably because no Zune has ever been turn on more than once or twice .
https://gizmodo.com/dude-with-a-zune-tattoo-267985
Finally , we turn to perhaps our saddest reader in motivation . This poor little girl ’s love life has been twisted into a perverted vortex of consumer electronics . Read on , if you could :
My boyfriend catch some Z’s with his earphone . Not just by the bedside , but in the layer . It ’s kind of perceivable because he operate on Wall Street and sometimes has to react very quick to foreign markets , but it gets kind of weird when we ’re making love . Not only will he not just ignore the sound , but he seize it and seems to get even more turn on — he makes this face . It ’s really creepy .
What can I do ?
Sleeping with Silicon Valley
Hey Sleeping ,
What the Scheol are you kick about ? Erectile disfunction is a $ 2.9 - Billion market place , and your man ’s soldier salute on call for $ 69.99 a calendar month . Plus you get unlimited mobile - to - mobile calling ! You should n’t just humor him , you should call him . Repeatedly . Does * 66 still work ? If not , outsource . There are call centers all around the public you’re able to shrink to dial his phone repeatedly between the hours of 11:00 and 11:15PM . And commemorate , that headphone vibrates too — get in on the action !
If you ’re still bear trouble take on the phone as a bedroom sidekick , you might cerebrate about changing the ringtone . Marvin Gaye is call ; he say to shut up and get officious !
If you have a question that only Gizmodo can suffice , well , that fellate . But at least you could e-mail us:[email protected ] . We ’ll plow three questions every Wednesday .
Illustration by Gizmodo illustratorSam Spratt . Check out Sam’sportfolioand become a rooter of hisFacebook Artist ’s Page .
https://gizmodo.com/meet-our-contributing-illustrator-sam-spratt-5620127
adviceBelgiumcellphonesPhonesSPOTIFY
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